update

Why aren't campaign ads more like this?

For the educational part of this post we'll go with a link to the rebelde way(argentina) site of cuatro; man, this show sure was something else. Embracing its camp appeal this was a hit show, something like the bold & the beautiful for 15-year olds. I believe it has been attempted reproducing its succes in other countries, but this is the real thing!

http://www.cuatro.com/programas/cuatrosfera/rebeldeway/

Chuck Norris facts

As everybody knows(?) Chuck Norris facts stopped being "cool, like, in an ironic way, dude" about 2 years ago; they are now considered cluelessly dorky amongst the hip(even dorkier than claiming Eva Mendes is hotter than Madeleine Stowe; nude photos below).

Let's remember this internet craze by listing 10 of the greatest Chuck Norris facts(if someone spots you reading, proclaim that they are "totally unfunny" and "so last year", and there will be no harm done to your hip-factor):

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting...CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Katy Perry nude

So, in keeping with the philosophy of this site, we are proud(?) to present the new, unseen nude pictures of katy perry, famous for the hit single: "I kissed a girl". The pics are to be seen below, in one of them Lindsay Lohan and samantha ronson are seen in the audience.

click on the link below to get to the x-rated photos of Mick Jaggers new girlfriend.

Film Review

Time for the first movie review of this page. The victim will be "Lethal Weapon 4".

Overall rating: Don't ever EVER watch this unless you're a die hard Jet Li fan, and you have it on vhs/dvd and can fast forward to his scenes.

Running time: 127 mins.

Review: This "movie" is really 2 different features. One of them stars Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. This movie is obnoxious, annoying and totally offensive. There isn't too much of a plot going on in this one except some generic family stuff and jokes about getting old. Har har. Most of this movie consists of Mel and Danny engaging in supposedly funny "buddy-cop banter"(I cannot stress enough how cringingly, obscenely, excruciatingly annoyingly UNfunny and BORING this is) while living in Dirty Harrys fantasy-world: All criminals are foreigners, young black men are Chris Rock, citizens have NO rights whatsoever, and collateral damage is not a problem - Hell, people should just get out of the way when the "heroes" start shooting.

Furthermore, it may be that Mel channeled the Holy Spirit directing "The Passion of the Christ", but he sure had a lot of practice channeling inanimate objects in THIS movie; he and Danny sport a disturbingly dead look in the eyes one would expect to find on rape victims or in prison camps. That sure gave this film a snuff-feel that added to the overall uneasiness. Chris Rock just looked ashamed both for himself and for his "co-stars".

The other movie is all about making Jet Li look cool, and it delivers pretty good. The plot has something to do with Li being a triad boss, printing counterfeit chinese money to pay his brothers ransom, said brother being held captive by a corrupt chinese general. I know, this kind of stuff happens all the time in LA, right?

While any other chinese in this movie looks like an extra from "Walker, Texas Ranger", Li gets to wear some decent clothes, look cool and actually act consistently. You root for this guy!

On two different occasions Li kills some guy without any sensible reason(and they were his own people), and in yet another scene he kills some guys nephew to make him do something he was already doing. And he kicks a pregnant woman in the head. Yes this man is evil, we get it! But his motives are understandable and he fights for family.

Now, sometimes these two movies intersect and people die(never our "heroes" unfortunately), but this only serves to remind us all that Jet Li is effortlessly cool and our "heroes" are morons, annoying at that.

Final Verdict: Jet Li is cool, everybody else in this movie should be ashamed or in hiding.

Don Lafontaine

Recently, Don Lafontaine passed away(official cause of death is yet to be confirmed). Though his name might not sound familiar to you, his voice very probably will. This is the man who revolutionized the voiceover of the modern movie trailer. Think back to any 80's action movie trailer going:"In a world where...etc etc...; one man can do the job(/fight back/bring justice/etc.)". It'll be him. Not confined to any single genre or media, this mans voice has been unavoidable in popular(and not so popular) culture for the last 40 years.
Let's go for some examples:

Bloodsport: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxQW2UogfUs

Commando(seriously, don't miss this trailer, it's pure art):http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh-QUh69MCg


If trailers just don't sound right in future films, you now know why.

Ice-T

Ice-T(neé Tracy Lauren Marrow) is a famous rapper/actor/ex-pimp(jep!) who certainly is worth checking out on. One of the founders of the socalled gangsta rap(back when that meant something) Ice-T really got in the public eye, when following the killing of Tupac Shakur and the riots in L.A., he made a (very good) song titled "Cop Killer". The lapd did not respond graciously.

This description makes Ice-T sound very controversial, but he tends to be wonderfully consistent and clearspoken; this man finds the message more important than the shock effect.
The complexity of his character is for instance to be seen in his playing the part of Detective Fin Tutuola in the show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, which as far as I'm informed is about the only show of its kind, and a very good one at that.

I would like to recommend checking out Ice-T and bodycount on youtube, especially, cop killer, born dead and the winner loses.

Finally some quotes from the man himself:

So you don't have to take us too seriously; I mean, we're already intimidating enough on stage.

The Constitution is a figment of your imagination, held up to make people believe they have rights. I don't believe anybody in this country has rights

You can't come out on a record dissing the system and be on a label that's connected to the system.

Mythbusters

Seriously, I know this was what you were looking for(maybe subconsciously) when you googled mythbusters kari byron. Don't deny it and you'll feel better.

Another thing on the program today is commenting on how somebody affiliated to a (medical?)research netconnection, has checked out my blog. Yes, you can find sociological marvels on this page, but medical? The rice principle?(rest, ice, compression, elevation) is, like, my best offer.

Surveillance - big brother loves me.

So, after posting a link to Ms. Skinners page(without asking for permission, huzzah for the www-anonymity), it seems that the administrator of her page is aware of my little pet project(this page). This has been brought to my attention via some surveillance of my own(god knows I need all the soulless technocratic help I can get). So, please Elizah, don't sue me(that's something gringos have a penchant for doing, I hear).

Hwang Jang Lee

Hwang Jang Lee(born 1944), known under a lot of names, is possibly the best kungfu villain of all time. Probably best known in the west for the rôle of "Thunderfoot" in the movie that catapulted Jackie Chan to stardom, "Drunken Master", he has an impressive resume as a martial arts action star. Very good at conveying menace, he most often plays the "boss", the ultimate villain that the hero has to defeat in the process of enlightenment an learning.

Hwang Jang Lee specializes in taekwondo(9th degree black belt), and his legwork is legendary. Rumour has it that he killed a man in self-defence whilst teaching taekwondo in the korean army. The man in question attacked the weaponless Hwang Jang Lee with a knife. Wether the rumour is true or not, Lee certainly looks very much capable of defending himself.

It is worth checking him out on youtube. The movies "Martial monks of shaolin temple" and "Hitman in the hand of buddha" are also recommendable.

Update

Apparently, there have been visits on this blog(Go Minnesota!), but probably fewer than required in order to be able to live off porn advertisements. Let's up the ante.

First, I would like to post and comment on a few links.

1: Do you want to learn about humor in the u.s. of a.? then cracked.com is probably a site for you. Apart from posting some occasionally hilarious articles, the pretty advanced use of american-english slang really gives a special flavour. The links are to some of the(imho) better articles.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15029_bat-battle-whos-best-movie-batman.html


http://www.cracked.com/article_15651_mercy-kill-6-shows-thankfully-canceled-after-one-episode.html

http://www.cracked.com/article_16554_5-most-baffling-sex-scenes-in-history-fanfiction.html

2: Eliza Skinner seems to be weirdly representative of the stuff-white-people-like kind of person. Check it out! This one post is cool, though.

http://www.elizaskinner.net/2008/03/27/know-when-to-fold-em/

Now, after this we move to the main part of this post: The tv-series MacGyver.

MacGyver is the name of the protagonist of the series, a cia-operative(later working for the Phoenix foundation, a private do-gooder corporation of some kind with a lot of money of unknown origin(drugs? weapon trade? They are into "education" and "minorities" a lot, so some kind of communist indoctrination is also a possibility)).

The supposed thing about MacGyver is that, when in peril, he uses his wits instead of random violence. At least this is sort of the tagline(or something).
In reality, his flamboyant 80's lifestyle(venice beach?!) and clothes(his sneakers, tennis-socks, jeans and wham-style jackets haunt a lot of nightmares! word!) and his (throughout the show expanding) mullet combine to make this character iconic and in a league of its own. You can see the other actors look in awe at a man with guts to sport THAT look.

Also, he presumably likes to solve problems by patiently talking to people and offering compromises. Now delete "presumably", exchange "talking to" with "attacking" and "offering compromises" with "building bombs out of household appliances" and the edge of this show is obvious.


Let's take a look at a plot resume for a randomly chosen episode(courtesy of imdb.com):

To Mac's surprise, for the first time in 20 years his grandpa Harry, who raised the genius after his parents's untimely death in a car accident, accepted on that anniversary to join him for a hockey game. However Mac forgot the tickets, so they look for them in Pete's office, just when the Phoenix Foundation building is penetrated by ruthless killer Victoria James alias Susan Murphy, who was hired by the terrorist Liberation Front to plant a bomb which Mac disarmed in Kuwait and now wants to destroy it with its record before it's traced to her. After noticing Mac, she negotiates the front to pay her $100,000 extra to kill him and uses the Front stooges she planned to kill anyhow, but a few Macgyverisms overcome their clumsy attempts to imprison and kill Mac, while she deletes the bomb's inventory file and holds Harry hostage. The duel to the death is on...

Note the absence of apostropha around "genius", as well as the multiple mentioning of bombs and the presence of a woman(presumably attractive) as main antagonist. Where James Bond has "Bond-babes", MacGyver has "McGyverettes"; they play same part in the "Women want to be with him, men want to be him" credo.
Notable McGyverettes: Tia Carrere, Teri Hatcher.

In reality you get the feeling, that "normal" violence isn't good enough for Mac. Lets have a few quotes from the man: "It never stops there. You got a gun, things happen. People die." "Look, if this works, it'll keep us from gettin' caught. If it doesn't, it'll keep us from gettin' old."

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